Money fights keeping you up at night? You’re not alone—and it doesn’t have to stay that way! Instead of letting financial disagreements take over, why not turn them into opportunities for deeper connection and understanding?
In this video, I’m sitting down with Jamie Bosse, lead advisor here at CGN Advisors, and someone who’s passionate about helping couples navigate their financial differences with ease.
Together, we’ll walk through strategies to help you and your spouse avoid those common money fights.
We cover:
- Why money is such a hot-button issue for couples
- The “yours, mine, and ours” system that gives you both financial freedom
- How to set spending thresholds that prevent surprise purchases
- The 24-hour rule for handling heated financial disagreements
- Easy ways to align your financial goals and make decisions together
Whether you’re just starting your financial journey as a couple or have been managing finances together for years, this video offers simple tips to keep the peace and build a strong financial future.
Ready to turn money conversations from stressful to successful? Watch now!
Transcript
JAMIE: Hi, I’m Jamie Bosse.
CHAD: And I’m Chad Chase.
JAMIE: We’re with CGN Advisors, and today we’re talking about couples and money.
CHAD: So, Jamie, have you ever been in a client meeting, and maybe you ask a question and immediately feel some tension on the other side of the room with the couple? That happens frequently with some couples, right? And so today, we really want to talk about how you have those discussions as a couple with money.
Why Managing Money As a Couple Is Harder Than It Looks
JAMIE: A lot of times, I feel like managing money as a single person is hard enough as it is. But when you’re managing as a couple, you have two different people with two different backgrounds about money, two different life experiences with money, and they’re bringing all that to the table. And so sometimes it’s really hard to find alignment.
Money Decisions in Marriage: The Everyday Friction
CHAD: Right, it’s hard to even decide on what percentage of milk you should buy, or
Tide versus Bold on the washing detergent.
But no, really, money is a thing that a lot of couples fight about. I think there are some ways to get around that and find some commonality between them.
The Emotional Side of Financial Planning
JAMIE: There’s so much emotion tied up in money. We like to think we are rational individuals who make decisions based on facts. But the truth is, there’s a lot of emotion around money. It might be shame, it might be excitement, it might be embarrassment of what’s happened in the past. And it’s important to understand that about your partner.
Understanding Your Partner’s Financial Background
JAMIE: With that, you can talk about some of the experiences you had with money as a child. What was it like growing up? And then let them share their stories. Or what’s something that they worry about with money? What’s something you’re proud of with money?
And then listen with empathy and try to understand their viewpoint and where they’re coming from as you approach whatever situation you’re in.
Communication Is Key in Financial Relationships
CHAD: I think with any good relationship, communication is key. Whether that’s a boyfriend, girlfriend, or in a family dynamic.
But I think there are some systems that couples can find that can work for them. We have a lot of couples that keep his-and-her bank accounts, and they might have some joint assets, obviously, but his-and-her bank accounts might actually work for some couples in different scenarios. And I think there are some other things they can do along those lines.
Trying Different Financial Systems as a Couple
JAMIE: I think you might have to try a bunch of systems before you figure out what works for you as a couple. I think there’s not one right or wrong answer, but figuring out things: Where do our bills come from? Where do our fun discretionary expenses come from? Which account do we use to pay for gas? Is there a limit to how much each one of us can spend without asking each other or discussing it first?
Setting Spending Limits and Boundaries in Marriage
JAMIE: You know, setting some of those limits ahead of time can help avoid some of those fights in the first place.
CHAD: No, I think that’s a great point; setting some of those rules or expectations. I know in my family, when we first started out, we weren’t making much. And so I think a hundred dollars was probably the limit. But, you know, that’s been raised over time now.
And so I think a $500 limit, if I’m not mistaken, is what we use now. So my trip to the wine store slips in there once in a while. But it’s important to set those limits beforehand.
Use the 24-Hour Rule to Avoid Impulse Spending
CHAD: I think you came up with another idea, Jamie, about maybe having a 24-hour rule as well, before you make those impulse buys. Maybe take a pause and talk to your spouse about that. Is this really a need, or is this a want that maybe you both want to happen in the house?
JAMIE: And that 24-hour rule can be good just for anyone, because we kind of live in a society that’s like immediate gratification. And I think if we take a minute to reflect, okay, do I really want to buy this thing? And if I buy this thing, what am I giving up by doing that? Because once you spend the money on that thing, you can’t spend it on something else.
And then I think if you do have that conversation with your spouse, maybe you decide, okay, we don’t need that right now, but let’s save up for the future, and let’s keep the money we have today for our Disney vacation or whatever it is.
Schedule a Regular “Money Date” for Financial Check-Ins
JAMIE: So I think a good thing to do as a couple is to talk about money when it’s not a problem. I feel like a lot of times it only comes up when you’re mad. But if you have a fun money date once a month or once a quarter or something just to check in, nobody’s mad. We’re just talking about where we’re at. Maybe review all your accounts, your debt pay-down plan, your savings plan, or whatever it is. Celebrate any wins you’ve had that month or recently and just make it more of a fun experience so it’s not always a fight.
Prevent Arguments by Planning Ahead
CHAD: I think that’s a great point. Anytime you are emotional about something or upset, it can spiral into other things. So getting out in front of it and talking about things before it becomes a problem is great.
The “Hole in the Bucket” Analogy for Financial Alignment
CHAD: I remember there’s a book called The Millionaire Next Door. And I’ll never forget it. I read it in college, and it’s still a great book. But one of the visualizations it talks about, especially when it comes to couples, is that savings and financial well-being don’t work when you have one spouse pouring water into the bucket but the other spouse is drilling a hole in the side.
So that visual —I always remind myself of it. And that’s where communication really comes in: what’s going into the bucket? And let’s talk about what’s coming out of that. And let’s not be secretive and drill holes in each other’s buckets.
Stay Focused on Shared Financial Goals
JAMIE: I love that analogy. And I think just being on the same page with what are we trying to achieve? What’s important to us as a family? What are we saving money for? What do we envision for our future? And just making sure that whenever you’re making decisions about money, you come back to those values and priorities. And so you’re really living the life you want to live.
Final Thoughts: Financial Communication and Compassion
CHAD: Well, anything else you can think of at this point? I think it comes down to communication is really key. In the relationship, especially when we talk about money and trying to get to the forefront and be proactive in those conversations, this can really save a lot of pain and a lot of heartache down the road.
JAMIE: For sure. And empathy and compassion for what your partner has been through in life, and just trying to see it from their perspective instead of just through your lens.
CHAD: Well, that’s great. Thanks for your time, Jamie.
Again, as always, if you have questions or would like to reach out for some help, please contact us. Our website is cgnadvisors.com, and our phone number is 785-340-3434.
Thank you.